


Chaotic Texting

by orphan_account



Series: Oneshots [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack Fic, How Do I Tag, I should be posting something else, I'm Bad At Tagging, Idk what i'm doing, M/M, Sugawara is crazy, Texting, This will probably be like forever ongoing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 00:08:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21688042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: What happens when Bokuaka, Kuroken, Iwaoi, and Daisuga are all thrown into one groupchat?This will literally just be crazy text situations between these eight crazy bitches that I can come up with.I'll randomly post, and I won't end this story but just keep it ongoing as I keep making them for fun.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Series: Oneshots [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1553797
Comments: 2
Kudos: 157





	Chaotic Texting

**Author's Note:**

> Let's go to Target

**> Bokuto:** if I were

**> Bokuto:** to try and jump into one of those ball pits in the stores

**> Bokuto:** would any of you help me

**> Kuroo: **that is the stupidest thing ever

**> Kuroo: **when

**> Bokuto:** TODAY

**> Kenma:** I hate this family 

**> Oikawa:** WAIT

**> Kuroo:** waiting is happening

**> Oikawa:** I will buy smoothies what store

**> Bokuto:** TARGET

**> Kenma**: on gOD

**> Kuroo:** please don’t disrespect our lord and savior Hajime Iwaizumi’s biceps 

**> Oikawa:** RETWEET

**> Iwaizumi:** could you not 

**> Oikawa:** I grew up with that 

**> Oikawa:** hot motherfucker

**> Kuroo:** I’m jealous

**> Kenma:** fuck you

**> Kuroo:** I FORGOT KENMA WAS HERE

**> Bokuto:** you done fucked up bro

**> Daichi:** Why whenever I open this chat someone is doing something illegal? 

**> Kuroo:** we haven’t done it yet

**> Daichi:** “Yet.”

**> Kuroo:** omg where is Suga ask him if he wants to come with

**> Daichi:** I took his phone away

**> Bokuto:** WHY

**> Daichi:** For this exact reason

**> Kuroo:** touché 

**> Bokuto:** touche 

**> Bokuto:** WAIT

**> Bokuto:** how do you do that

**> Kuroo:** do what 

**> Bokuto:** THE LINE ABOVE THE LETTER

**> Kuroo:** .

**> Kuroo: **I am astonished 

**> Bokuto:** what the fuck does that mean

**> Akaashi:** This is why you failed your exam.

**> Bokuto:** AKAASHI 

**> Kuroo:** AHAHAH

**> Kenma:** I will rip out each of your vocal cords so I can’t hear your screams and then throw you in a pool of a trillion hungry rats shut the fuck up

**> Kuroo:** mute the chat coward

**> Oikawa:** holy shit and I thought Iwa was aggressive 

**> Iwaizumi:** Why would I throw you to rats when I can have the satisfaction of killing you myself?

**> Oikawa:** WOW

**> Oikawa:** OKAY

**> Oikawa:** I WOULD NEVER HURT YOU IWA

**> Iwaizumi:** Don’t give a shit

**> Sugawara:** IM IN 

**> Sugawara:** I WILL BRING

**> Sugawara:** MY DOG

**> Kuroo:** PLEASE

**> Bokuto:** I thought Daichi took away your phone

**> Sugawara:** Daichi is currently indisposed 

**> Akaashi:** what did you do

**> Sugawara:** nothing

**> Sugawara:** his phone just took a swim

**> Kuroo:** AHAH

**> Kuroo:** imagine if Oikawa threw Iwaizumi’s phone into water

**> Bokuto:** he’d kill him

**> Kenma:** he’d kill him

**> Akaashi:** He’d kill him.

**> Sugawara:** he’d kill him

**> Iwaizumi:** I’d kill him

**> Oikawa:** I’m—

**> Oikawa:** leaving

**> Iwaizumi:** Thank God

**> Kuroo:** thank Hajime Iwaizumi’s biceps*****

**> Iwaizumi:** I’m going to kill you

**> Kuroo:** take me out to dinner first 😔

**> Bokuto:** GET ME BREADSTICKS

**> Kuroo:** of course bro

**> Kenma:** can I breathe

**> Kenma:** please

**> Kuroo:** no

**> Sugawara:** nah

**> Sugawara:** helPjsn skiskwkk 

**> Kuroo:** what just happened

**> Oikawa:** SUGA?

**> Sugawara:** Do not jump into the ball pit at Target

**> Kuroo:** hi Daichi

**> Sugawara:** I’m serious

**> Oikawa:** I won’t Daichi don’t worry

**> Bokuto:** but I will

**> Oikawa:** yes

**> Sugawara:** What target are you going to?

**> Bokuto:** DONT TELL HIM HE’S GONNA TRY AND STOP US

**> Akaashi:** Bokuto, do not jump into the target ball pit.

**> Bokuto:** .

**> Kuroo:** Bo

**> Bokuto:** .

**> Oikawa:** did we really just lose Bokuto because his Boyfriend told him not to

**> Oikawa removed Akaashi from the chat<**

**> Oikawa:** get your shit together Bo

**> Kuroo:** AHAHAH 

**> Kenma:** Akaashi is going to kill you and I cannot wait

**> Oikawa:** I’ll be fine

**> Oikawa:** I am the prettiest after all

**> Kenma: **no

**> Bokuto:** no

**> Kuroo:** no

**> Sugawara:** No

**> Iwaizumi:** no

**> Oikawa:** I hate you all

**> Oikawa:** is that Daichi or Suga

**> Sugawara:** Still Daichi

**> Oikawa:** I thought at least you would be on my side

**> Sugawara:** Yeah but Akaashi

**> Kuroo added Akaashi to the chat<**

**> Bokuto:** yeah Akaashi is hot

**> Bokuto:** KUROO WHY WOULD YOU ADD HIM RIGHT BEFORE I SAID THAT

**> Akaashi:** Thanks, Bokuto.

**> Bokuto:** does this mean you’re gonna let me jump into the ball pit

**> Akaashi:** Do whatever, Bokuto.

**> Bokuto:** IM IN BITCHES

**> Akaashi:** If you get arrested, I’m not getting you out. 

**> Kuroo:** okay so at all costs we have to protect Bokuto

**> Oikawa:** protect Bokuto squad I’m CEO

**> Iwaizumi:** You’re a bitch is what you are 

**> Oikawa:** do you open this chat just to hurt my feelings because it’s working 

**> Iwaizumi:** Yes

**> Kuroo:** Oikawa stop being a little bitch challenge

**> Kuroo:** Bokuto go pick up Sugawara

**> Sugawara:** He’s not going

**> Kuroo:** DAICHI GET YOUR OWN DAMN PHONE

**> Sugawara:** MAYBE I’D HAVE ONE IF SUGA DIDN’T THROW IT IN A FISH TANK

**> Kuroo:** AHAH

**> Kuroo:** Bokuto you’re still getting Suga

**> Bokuto:** yes father Tetsurou 

**> Kuroo:** I like that keep calling me that 

**> Bokuto:** yes mother Tetsurou

**> Kuroo:** okay shut the fuck up now 

**> Bokuto:** sorry sister Tetsurou 

**> Kuroo removed Bokuto from the chat<**

**> Kuroo:** I love being second in command of the group chat 

**> Oikawa:** but you’re not first

**> Oikawa:** I am number one

**> Kuroo:** of the group chat yeah but Akaashi is prettiest

**> Oikawa:** but I’m hottest

**> Oikawa:** he’s just prettiest

**> Akaashi:** Just give it to him.

**> Kenma:** yeah it’s just sad at this point

**> Oikawa:** SHUT UP

**> Kenma:** I bet he stomped his food

**> Oikawa:** I DID NOT

**> Kenma:** bet

**> Iwaizumi:** I’m next to him now 

**> Iwaizumi:** He did 

**> Oikawa:** IWA

**> Iwaizumi:** whajakjakKsbjakkk

**> Kuroo:** wh 

**> Kuroo:** Iwaizumi?

**> Kuroo:** Iwaaa?

**> Kuroo:** biceps?

**> Kuroo:** hottie?

**> Kenma:** on this day we lay down Hajime Iwaizumi to rest

**> Kenma:** he was a good man and we lost something truly important to us

**> Kenma:** those biceps

**> Iwaizumi:** Can you please stop talking about my biceps?

**> Kuroo:** fine

**> Kuroo:** Iwaizumi also has a nice ass

**> Oikawa:** I second that

**> Kuroo:** what happened to you guys

**> Iwaizumi:** I was beating the shit out of him

**> Oikawa:** I gave him a big kiss

**> Kuroo:** weird kink but okay

**> Oikawa added Bokuto to the chat<**

**> Bokuto:** friendship ended with 

**> Bokuto:** all of you

**> Bokuto:** now no one is my friend

**> Kuroo:** HA loser

**> Bokuto:** except Akaashi I can’t be mad at him

**> Oikawa:** what about me

**> Bokuto:** .

**> Kuroo:** .

**> Iwaizumi:** .

**> Oikawa:** why do you guys fucking hate me

**> Kenma:** I don’t believe in the ugly population

**> Oikawa left the chat<**

**> Kuroo added Oikawa to the chat<**

**> Oikawa left the chat<**

**> Kuroo added Oikawa to the chat<**

**> Oikawa left the chat<**

**> Kuroo added Oikawa to the chat<**

**> Oikawa left the chat<**

**> Kuroo added Oikawa to the chat<**

  
  


**> Oikawa:** FUCKING STOP

**> Kuroo:** HEH

**> Sugawara:** hey should I bring bleach

**> Bokuto:** why would we need bleach

**> Sugawara:** I dunno

**> Sugawara:** anything could happen

**> Kuroo:** yes

**> Akaashi:** Sugawara, please don’t throw bleach into anyone’s eyes.

**> Sugawara:** guess I’m not bringing the bleach

**> Kenma:** he was gonna throw it in people’s eyes?

**> Bokuto:** he’s done it before

**> Kenma:** wha

**> Bokuto:** him, Akaashi, and I were going to meet up with Dachi one day

**> Bokuto:** and that crazy motherfucker pulled beach out from his bag one day and threw it in some guy’s face

**> Kenma:** i

**> Iwaizumi:** I wish I could throw bleach in Oikawa’s face

**> Oikawa:** I literally didn’t even say anything !!! :((((((

**> Iwaizumi:** Keep using those exclamation marks and sad faces and I’ll kick the shit out of you

**> Oikawa:** :((((( !!!??@@@@ ))):a ILGNJKSJklsgnklsgngggg

**> Bokuto:** Oikawa is dead

**> Kuroo:** Second prettiest and second hottest is dead

**> Oikawa:** WHO IS FIRST

**> Oikawa:** EXACTLY

**> Oikawa:** IT’S ME

**> Kuroo:** Akaashi is prettiest

**> Akaashi:** Thank you, Kuroo.

**> Kuroo:** and Iwaizumi is hottest

**> Iwaizumi:** Obviously

**> Kuroo:** we all agree, right?

**> Kenma:** yeah

**> Sugawara:** yeah

**> Iwaizumi:** yeah

**> Bokuto:** yeah

**> Oikawa:** no

**> Oikawa left the chat<**

**> Kuroo added Oikawa to the chat<**

**> Oikawa left the chat<**

**> Kuroo added Oikawa to the chat<**

**> Oikawa left the chat<**

**> Kuroo added Oikawa to the chat<**

**> Oikawa left the chat<**

**> Kuroo added Oikawa to the chat<**

  
  


**> Oikawa:** I HATE YOU ALL

**> Sugawara:** okay but like are we going to Target or not cause I wanna take a dive in that motherfucking ball pit

**> Bokuto:** YEAH

**> Bokuto:** Oikawa, are you in or are you not quite done pouting

**> Oikawa:** shut up I’m in

**> Bokuto:** Kuroo?

**> Kuroo:** literally not even a question bro lets do it

**> Akaashi:** Guys.

**> Bokuto:** Yes, Akaashi, the prettiest angel?

**> Akaashi:** Shut up, Bokuto.

**> Akaashi:** Be careful, and don’t get arrested.

**> Kuroo:** Yes, god. We will make sure of it


End file.
